The Buddha discussed how attachment is the root of all suffering. Why is that the case? Why does attachment create negative experiences?

Attachment is clinging, craving, and aversion — all of the ways in which we are clinging to what we have, craving what we wish to have, and rejecting, pushing away, and hiding from what we fear. Attachment prevents us from experiencing our desired reality. Below is a step-by-step breakdown of how that plays out, and how to create the reality you desire.

Every reality that can possibly exist does exist, overlayed over this one, but invisible to us in the moment. Everything that can happen is happening, here and now. In every moment, our consciousness is tuning to one of these realities like a radio tuning to a station. When we tune a radio to a particular frequency, every other frequency while also available is not heard. Similarly when we tune to one reality, every other reality while available is not experienced.

The reality we tune to is the one that is the sum of our conscious and unconscious beliefs in that moment. We each experience the reality we are energetically resonant with, which means a reality that is comprised of our conscious desires as well as our unconscious attachments. To put it another way, we each experience the reality we believe we can have — the reality we tell ourselves is “just how it is.”

Versions of us with altered beliefs make every other possible choice as well, so that versions of us are experiencing an infinity of probable realities. We float freely from reality to reality in every moment, except to the extent of our attachments. The attachments we create between ourselves and something else — be it a person, object, or concept — pull us into realities we don't consciously desire.

An example of how this works can be seen in the situation where you have fought with a friend, and there are hurt feelings all around. You wish for the situation to be different than it is — for the friendship to be healed, but you do not know how to go about accomplishing the healing.

You each have a series of attachments to heal before the friendship itself can heal. These attachments are causing you to move in unconscious ways that are harming yourselves and each other. Until those attachments are released by one of you, you are pulling each other into a reality that neither consciously desires, in which your friendship is unhealed and your attachments are not released.

Only your release is required. Once you have released your attachments, you are no longer being pulled into undesirable realities. You can now float into the reality that you consciously desire, and the version of your friend who also wishes to heal and release attachments will be in that reality with you. The healed version of you and the healed version of your friend are now energetically resonant.

With the above understanding, you can heal the friendship through a combination of manifestation (choosing your desired reality) and releasing attachment, as follows:

1. Wish for the friendship to heal wholesomely, with both friends being kind to each other and themselves.

2. Bring that wish into your heart, and feel the sensations that arise in your body in response. Those sensations are the attachments. The feeling in your body and the pull on your psyche are the same thing.

3. Feel those sensations fully — not as something that you are watching from your mind, but as something that you are viscerally feeling in your body. Be with them without tensing or reacting to them, either in body or mind. Any reaction or tensing is a part of you not being with those feelings.

By engaging with the sensations that comprise your attachments with equanimity in this manner, you can let the attachments go, and feel the sensations pass away. By clearing your attachments, you have healed the parts of yourself that are bound to the undesirable reality. You can now float to the reality in which the friendship heals.

Since you only experience what you are energetically resonant with, the version of your friend that you now experience is the version who has chosen to heal as well. You are both consciously choosing a path of healing, and both sovereignly finding your way to it. You are not changing your friend or controlling or manipulating them. You are healing yourself, and thereby moving to a reality in which your friend also chose to heal.

The result is a reality in which you both are free of the attachments that gave rise to the difficulties in your friendship. You are now once again free to move with kindness and love towards each other. This is why it is said that if you heal yourself, you heal the world. When you release your attachments, you can consciously create your own heaven.