Language shapes our perception of reality. The words we use are more than definitions, they are energetic imprints that ripple through our consciousness, influencing our actions, feelings, and worldview. Among these, two words stand out for their subtle yet profound impact: should and should not.

At first glance, they may seem harmless, even helpful. After all, they guide us toward ideals, standards, and ways of being. Yet beneath their surface lies a tension—a quiet yet persistent push and pull that shapes how we interact with ourselves, others, and the world.

The Energetics of Should and Should Not

The word should carries with it an energy of obligation, external expectation, and often, resistance. Even when it aligns with something we wish to do, it brings with it a feeling of aversion. A subtle internal push arises—a sense of being compelled rather than inspired.

• "I should exercise." (The weight of expectation hangs heavy.)

• "I should meditate." (An aversion to obligation creeps in, even if meditation is desired.)

On the other hand, should not carries with it an energy of prohibition, restriction, and often, craving. Even when it aligns with our inner wisdom, it creates a friction—a subtle longing for what has been forbidden.

• "I should not eat that." (The craving intensifies.)

• "I should not speak out of anger." (The forbidden feels tantalizing.)

Both words introduce an artificial split within us. They place us in opposition to ourselves—one part pushing, the other pulling. This tension creates suffering, regardless of whether we follow through with the directive or not.

The Compounding Nature of Should and Should Not

Every should builds on itself. When we repeatedly act from a place of should, we reinforce the aversion it creates. Over time, even wholesome or beneficial actions become laced with resistance. For example:

• A person who feels they should exercise daily might begin resenting exercise, even if they once enjoyed it.

• A parent who repeatedly tells themselves they should spend quality time with their child might find themselves dreading those moments, despite their love for their child.

Similarly, every should not compounds craving. The more we resist something we should not do, the more tempting it becomes. For example:

• Someone who feels they should not eat sweets might find their cravings growing stronger with every act of self-denial.

• An employee who feels they should not take breaks might find themselves obsessing over those forbidden moments of rest.

Both cycles feed on themselves, growing stronger with repetition. What began as a small internal tension can become a deeply ingrained pattern of aversion and craving, turning even wholesome actions into burdens.

The Impact on Parenting and the Workforce

In modern parenting, should dominates the internal dialogue of many well-intentioned caregivers. Parents often hold themselves to impossible standards of what a "good parent" should do:

• "I should always be patient."

• "I should always prioritize my child's needs over my own."

• "I should make every moment count."

Every act performed under the weight of should leaves behind a residue of resistance. Over time, this resistance builds, and even the most loving actions begin to feel exhausting. Parents may find themselves emotionally drained, resentful, or detached, even as they continue performing the actions they believe they should do.

In the workforce, the same dynamic plays out. Employees are often caught in endless cycles of obligation and prohibition:

• "I should always be productive."

• "I should not take time for myself during work hours."

• "I should always be available to my team."

These internalized shoulds and should nots create burnout, disengagement, and a loss of intrinsic motivation. The more someone feels they should perform a task, the more resistance they feel toward it over time. What could be meaningful work becomes mechanical, joyless, and draining.

The Weight of 'Shall' and 'Shall Not' in Law

Nowhere are should and should not more rigidly codified than in the language of law, where they often manifest as shall and shall not. These words carry immense authority, dictating behaviors and consequences with absolute finality. However, their psychological impact is rarely considered.

The presence of shall and shall not in legal language reinforces patterns of aversion and craving on a societal scale. Individuals are not guided toward understanding or wisdom but are instead burdened with obligation and fear of punishment.

• "You shall not trespass." (Craving arises for forbidden spaces.)

• "You shall comply with regulations." (Aversion builds against the perceived imposition.)

The rigidity of such language creates resistance, unconscious rebellion, and a sense of disempowerment. Compliance becomes mechanical, devoid of understanding or alignment. Over time, this dynamic erodes trust, agency, and goodwill within communities.

Even ancient frameworks, such as the Ten Commandments, illustrate this dynamic. Framed largely in terms of shall and shall not, they carried both clarity and rigidity. While they may have provided necessary structure in their historical context, their phrasing inherently reinforced aversion and craving. For example:

• "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house." (Craving arises from prohibition.)

• "Thou shalt not steal." (The restriction plants a seed of rebellion.)

The enduring legacy of these commandments reflects how deeply ingrained such linguistic patterns are in our collective psyche, influencing law, culture, and personal morality.

Unconscious Movements: Undermining Success

The aversion and craving born from should and should not are not passive energies. They lead to unconscious movements that actively undermine our intentions.

• When acting from should, subtle resistance might manifest as procrastination, half-hearted effort, or resentment.  For interpersonal interactions, it may result in unintentionally saying or doing something that is hurtful to the recipient.

• When resisting should not, craving can result in impulsivity, sabotage, or guilt-laden indulgence.

These unconscious movements create self-sabotage loops, where we find ourselves repeatedly undermining the very actions we set out to perform. We may outwardly succeed in performing or avoiding the action, but the internal experience is poisoned by aversion or craving.

For example:

• A person who should exercise may show up at the gym but drag their feet, avoiding real engagement.

• A person who should not indulge in sweets may resist for days, only to binge when willpower runs out.

In both cases, the energy of should and should not plants seeds of conflict that sprout into patterns of sabotage.  These patterns are not isolated events but ripple outward, affecting not only our personal well-being but also our relationships, creativity, and capacity for joy. Aversion and craving subtly distort our perception of success and failure, coloring every interaction with shades of resistance or guilt.

When we act under the weight of should, our efforts often feel hollow, drained of genuine presence. Even when we achieve the intended outcome, the underlying aversion lingers, sapping the sense of fulfillment. Similarly, when resisting a should not, the craving carries an energy of compulsion, leading to actions that may feel satisfying in the moment but leave behind guilt, shame, or self-recrimination.

For example:

• A parent who feels they should play with their child may sit down to do so, but their mind is elsewhere, weighed down by resistance. The child senses this disconnection, and the moment loses its magic.

• An employee who feels they should not relax during a break may avoid rest entirely, only to feel exhausted and unproductive later.

In both cases, the surface action may align with the directive, but the deeper experience is compromised. The more these cycles repeat, the more ingrained they become, creating layers of resistance, craving, and self-sabotage that obscure our natural clarity and joy.

A Path Forward: Releasing Should and Should Not

To break free from these patterns, we must learn to recognize and dissolve the energies of should and should not in our thoughts, words, and actions. Instead of operating from obligation or prohibition, we can cultivate a sense of alignment, presence, and clarity.

• Replace "I should meditate" with "I wish to meditate."

• Replace "I should not eat sweets" with "I wish to eats sweets in moderation" or "I wish to have a healthy relationship with food."

By shifting our language, we shift our internal experience. Actions arise from choice rather than compulsion, and avoidance comes from clarity rather than restriction. In this way, we free ourselves from the cycles of aversion and craving, reclaiming our ability to act from a place of wholeness, presence, and genuine intention.

The words should and should not are more than linguistic habits; they are deeply embedded patterns that shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions. When used unconsciously, they create cycles of aversion and craving that ripple through our lives, undermining our intentions, relationships, and well-being.

Whether in parenting, the workforce, legal systems, or personal growth, these patterns can lead to burnout, resentment, guilt, and self-sabotage. The more we rely on obligation and prohibition as motivators, the more resistance and craving grow, distorting even our most wholesome desires.

There is a way forward. By shifting our language and awareness, we can dissolve the weight of should and should not. Instead of compulsion, we can move from alignment. Instead of restriction, we can move from clarity.

When we replace should and should not with a wish for the thing we desire, we reclaim our agency. Actions become expressions of choice rather than duty. Avoidance becomes an act of wisdom rather than rebellion.

In this space, our intentions and actions align naturally. Instead of joy, fulfillment, and clarity arising as outcomes to chase, they arise as companions on our path.

Words shape our reality, yet awareness shapes our words. When we let go of should and should not, we step into a space of freedom where every action is an invitation, and every choice is an expression of our deepest truth.