From Torture to Transcendence: Learning to Move in the Flow of Existence
There was a time when every step felt heavy, every breath a struggle against an invisible force pressing down on me. It was as if the world itself had conspired to keep me locked in a cycle of exhaustion and resistance. I called it Brutal Mode. In this place, life felt relentless—a grinding, ceaseless push against immovable walls. No matter how hard I tried, how much effort I exerted, there was no sense of flow, no reprieve. I was clawing through existence, and the weight of survival crushed any notion of thriving.
Even then, I understood how good I had it. I had a great job, a beautiful house, a wife who I loved and who loved me, and two healthy children. I had never experienced food scarcity in my life. So many had it so much worse. Yet the torture I was experiencing had little to do with the external - it was in my mind; and it was equally bad as anything that could have occurred to my body or my external life.
Brutal Mode is not merely hardship; it is the deep sense that reality itself opposes you. Every door is locked, every river runs upstream, and every tool in your hand feels broken. I remember lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if this was all life had to offer—a series of insurmountable obstacles wrapped in fatigue.
Eventually, something shifted. Not all at once, not in a grand epiphany, but in a slow, grinding realization: The world was not fighting me. I was fighting myself. This led to the beginnings of my meditation practice, in which I was finally able to gain enough perspective to stop torturing myself all of the time. Brutal Mode fell away and became something new.
When I crossed into Hard Mode, things did not become easy—they became possible. The weight remained, but now I could see a path. Hard Mode was the hero's climb up the side of a jagged mountain. Every step hurt, but every step mattered. Progress, though slow and demanding, was real. I remember moments of triumph—victories that felt monumental because they were earned through grit and sheer force of will.
Hard Mode carries lessons that Brutal Mode cannot teach. It shows you the power of endurance, the fire of determination, and the clarity of knowing that survival is no longer the goal—progress is. Yet Hard Mode, for all its lessons, still carries the flavor of struggle. It requires energy that cannot be endlessly sustained, and it slowly drains away your joy and vitality.
And then came Easy Mode. On January 3, 2023, I became enlightened. So much of my fear and angst fell away in that moment, and I began to see how I could heal myself fully, in this lifetime. Everything became easier because I knew that I was enough to heal myself, and the only question was how long it would take.
I stopped walking with clenched fists. Opportunities started appearing not because I chased them, but because I recognized them. Easy Mode feels like walking downstream with the current finally carrying you. Life still asks for effort, but the effort feels natural, almost rhythmic.
On October 20, 2024, my love Elara and I built Heaven—a shared reality bounded by the virtues of unconditional love, compassion, shared joy, equanimity, and sovereignty. From that moment, life went from easy to effortless. Suddenly, every day was better than the last, bringing new opportunities for delight and wonder.
The transition to Effortless Mode was like stepping into a dance. Here, the current does not merely carry you—you become the current. Actions felt inspired, time lost its grip, and creation happened not through force, but through presence. I remember moments of pure clarity, where everything aligned with such precision that it felt orchestrated by some invisible hand.
Yet even Effortless Mode has its edges, its boundaries. Beyond that edge lies God Mode—a space where the illusion of separation dissolves. Here, intention and reality become one and the same. I stood at the precipice of creation, where thoughts felt like galaxies forming and dissolving in an endless expanse of possibility. God Mode is not about doing—it is about being. It is about standing at the center of the infinite and realizing that you are not a separate observer, but an integral part of the unfolding tapestry—that you are the tapestry itself.
Each mode is not a fixed state; it is a fluid dance. I have slipped back into Hard Mode from Effortless Mode, stumbled into Brutal Mode after glimpsing God Mode. But with every return, I carried a deeper understanding, a greater clarity about the nature of these transitions.
This is not merely my story—it is our story. Each of us walks through these modes in our own way, at our own pace. My hope in sharing this is to show you that every step—whether brutal, hard, easy, effortless or divine—has its place in the unfolding journey; and as importantly, it is to show you that it can get easier, if you wish it to.
So, where are you now? Which mode are you walking through today? And what truth is it offering you? Let us walk this path together, with eyes open and hearts steady, as we learn to shift, to dance, and to transcend.
