Presence and Freedom: The Power of Holding Space and Time
During Thanksgiving recently, my niece raised the concept of holding space, since she had heard Ariana Grande mentioning it recently with respect to the song Defying Gravity from the movie Wicked. For her and many of her friends, it was a novel concept to which they had never been previously exposed. It launched a brief discussion over the dinner table about the nature of holding space, and also a longer contemplation on my part about what holding space really is and why it is so important. It also led to a larger realization around the concept of holding time, which is something that people generally overlook entirely. Before jumping into the concept of holding time, let us first explore the meaning of holding space in more depth.
Holding Space
Holding space is a profound act of presence, often invisible yet immeasurably powerful. It is the art of creating a container—energetically, emotionally, or even physically—where others feel safe to express, heal, grow, and be their authentic selves without fear of judgment or interference. When you hold space:
You orient your energy toward being fully available, without imposing your will, timeline, or expectations.
Potential solutions and advice are offered only when requested, and otherwise you are simply there to support the other person in their process.
You signal that everything is welcome. Emotions, thoughts, fears, hopes—all of it may exist freely within this container.
You embody patience by ensuring that nothing needs to change right now. The container holds potential, allowing transformation to occur naturally over time.
When you hold space, you consciously offer your energy as a stabilizing presence. You stand in equanimity, anchoring a vibration of grace and sovereignty. In this role, you neither lead nor follow; instead, you act as a witness and guardian of the sacred process unfolding within the other person or the group. It requires both strength and surrender—strength to remain steady and surrender to allow the flow to move without imposition.
In addition to learning to hold space for others, it is so important to learn to hold space for yourself as well. When applied inwardly, holding space means you allow all parts of yourself to exist without judgment. Your inner critic does not rush the process; instead, it transforms into an inner guide who trusts that each part knows when it is ready to shift and gives it the space to do so without control or force.
Space and time are intimately connected. When you are holding space for someone, there is no agenda or pressure, and instead you are moving with presence and patience. Somewhat paradoxically, while holding space you are giving them all the time they require to grow, heal and feel better in the moment. Thus holding space is a gift of the presence and time required to heal in the moment.
Holding Time
In the same way that holding space is about presence and providing the time required to heal and grow, similarly, holding time is about freedom and providing the space required to heal and grow. It is about giving someone the space to get better in their own way—no matter how long it takes. It is an act of stepping back, creating a vast, open field where they feel free to process their journey at their own pace, without pressure or interference.
The concept of holding time often goes unnoticed because many of us default to constant interaction in relationships or family dynamics. We prioritize being “nice” by staying close, checking in, or trying to help, but this can inadvertently force engagement when what the other person truly needs is freedom, and as a result can be deeply unkind. Holding time is the ultimate kindness, offering them space away from you when they require it, without guilt, judgment, or expectation.
When you hold time for someone:
You trust their ability to find their way in the time they require.
You give them the freedom to step away from your presence, knowing they will return when they feel ready.
You offer unwavering patience and love, ensuring they have all the room they require to fully heal.
Failing to hold time can unintentionally create tension or karmic imbalances, as forcing interaction often stems from attachment rather than genuine care. By holding time, you honor their sovereignty and create a relationship rooted in kindness, respect, and trust.
When we learn to hold time for ourselves, we learn to give ourselves the space that would be beneficial from relationships and experiences that create suffering in our experience. If we are doing this so that we can specifically give ourselves the space to heal instead of doing the nice thing and forcing ourselves into a painful situation or hiding from the pain entirely and ignoring it, we are being deeply kind to ourselves.
The Interrelationship Between Holding Space and Holding Time
Holding space and holding time are deeply connected, forming a unified approach to supporting growth and healing. Together, they balance presence and freedom:
Holding space is about being present, creating a safe container where someone feels supported, seen and heard, without imposing expectations or timelines.
Holding time is about giving freedom, offering the spaciousness for someone to step away and process at their own pace, with no pressure to return until they are ready.
These practices complement each other:
Holding space ensures closeness when needed, anchoring someone in safety and patience.
Holding time ensures distance when required, trusting their sovereignty and ability to heal.
Together, they create a harmonious field of grace and sovereignty, where presence and freedom coexist. Practicing both allows relationships to flourish with kindness, respect, and trust, honoring the natural rhythm of healing and transformation.
Holding space and holding time are more than simple concepts; they are living practices, intertwined and sacred. Together, they help us honor the journey of transformation—whether it be our own or that of another—with a deep reverence for the natural flow of life. By practicing both, we create a nurturing environment that respects the dual desires for connection and autonomy, for closeness and distance.
Ultimately, this balance invites a higher form of love: one that is free of conditions, rooted in compassion, and abundant in patience. It is the kind of love that knows when to lean in, when to step back, and always trusts that growth will happen in its own time as is most beneficial. It reminds us that true support lies not in solving problems for others or forcing change, but in offering presence and space, letting the magic of our lives unfold in its own time and its own way.
