Chapter 2, Lesson 3: Hiding

Welcome to Chapter 2, Lesson 3 of Finding Your Way. In this lesson, we delve into the concept of hiding. Hiding is a movement of consciousness that often impedes our spiritual growth. Unlike seeking, which is characterized by openness and flexibility, hiding is a movement of turning away from growth, driven by discomfort or fear. It's a protective mechanism, but one that keeps us trapped in our current state, preventing us from realizing our full potential. We hide from difficult circumstances and challenging outcomes; we hide from love; we hide from fear; we hide from our own self-worth; we hide from pain and discomfort; we hide from understanding. At a larger spiritual level, we hide from the immensity of what we truly are, which is All That Is. When we hide, we limit our potential for growth. We create a false sense of security by avoiding discomfort; but in reality, we are only prolonging and sometimes intensifying our suffering. Hiding also prevents us from experiencing the full richness of life and the deep connections with others that come from being open and vulnerable.

Hiding can be obvious or very subtle. It manifests in numerous ways, often without our conscious awareness. Society, as it is currently structured, largely encourages hiding in its many forms. To understand hiding more deeply, let's explore some of its many forms and the underlying reasons why we engage in this movement.

• Denial: Refusing to acknowledge truths about ourselves, our relationships, or our environment. Denial can manifest as ignoring personal issues, emotional truths, or even broader societal or global problems. Denial is often a protective mechanism to avoid the discomfort of facing harsh truths. At a certain level of our consciousness (the level of the Knower), we inherently know what is good for us, what is a movement of seeking and growth. We know that certain things we are doing are not wholesome for us or for others. Many times, we rationalize what we are doing or actively refuse to see what is in front of us because we tell ourselves stories that acknowledging these truths would be too painful, would cause too much disruption to our lives or would lead to too much pain for those we love.

• Distraction: Engaging in activities or thoughts that divert us from confronting challenging realities or emotions. We distract ourselves playing video games, watching TV, spending our time on social media, endlessly reading the news, snacking, immersing ourselves in our work, or pursuing sexual pleasure. None of these things are inherently movements of hiding. However, when they are done in order to avoid uncomfortable thoughts or emotions, or they become a habitual way to fill free time, they become movements of hiding. Even ostensible spiritual seeking can be a form of distraction, known as spiritual bypass, in which we meditate in order to not be with our feelings as they are, in order to hide from them. We seek stillness as the antidote to our discomfort, but never actually face that discomfort head on. We fill our time in a way that doesn’t actually encourage our growth, because we never actually face our own feelings, while comforting ourselves that our actions are moving us on the path.

• Avoidance: Steering clear of situations or people that may trigger discomfort, confrontation, or require us to face our fears. Unlike distraction, which is about diverting attention, avoidance is about steering clear of certain realities altogether. This can include procrastinating on important tasks, avoiding difficult conversations, or shying away from personal growth opportunities. We are avoiding whenever we build walls, barriers and boundaries in our mind. At its worst, avoidance involves actively blocking or shunning people, objects or experiences. One way in which we subtly avoid discomfort that often goes unrecognized is when we forget in order to avoid facing an uncomfortable task. Similarly, we keep ourselves emotionally numb through dissociation (which is both hiding and shattering), in order to avoid experiencing painful emotions. Much of cancel culture and modern woke culture is about hiding: creating a system of institutionalized avoidance, that justifies shunning people that make us uncomfortable, rather than engaging with that discomfort. It makes the moral determination that not helping someone to hide from their discomfort is inherently wrong, allowing everyone to hide in the collective hiding by convincing themselves they are doing the morally correct thing.

• Displacement: Transferring feelings, thoughts, or responsibilities from the original source of discomfort to something else. Hiding can manifest as displacement, which involves shifting blame to others, channeling emotional responses into unrelated areas, projecting our own negative stories onto others, or creating alternative narratives that shift focus away from the actual issue. Our largest displacements involve shifting responsibility for what happens to us onto others or to reality itself, rather than understanding that we create our own reality with our beliefs. Truly understanding that concept means taking ownership for everything that happens to us, good or bad. Taking ownership for your own reality may sound scary to many. However, like many aspects of the spiritual path, after taking that leap, you will find astonishing reward on the other side.

Understanding we create our own reality also helps us to understand how we often coordinate our reality in order to hide. Here is an example I gave in my article on the Four Movements:

Imagine there is a difficult piece of work that we ostensibly wish to complete, but really find it intimidating or tedious. We may initially procrastinate by browsing the web or otherwise distracting ourselves rather obviously. If we tell ourselves the story that we are a responsible adult, eventually the cognitive dissonance involved in the rather obviously childish move will lead us to either face our discomfort and start the work (in other words, seek), or we find a more skillful way to hide. And so we may suddenly have a million small things that we legitimately need to do, and which suddenly feel much more pressing or urgent than they did moments earlier. We are now hiding more skillfully, in that we can at least convince ourselves that we are being productive.

If we come to consciously recognize what we are doing, cognitive dissonance once again leads many of us to eventually drop this particular mode of hiding and finally start the work. For others of us, especially for the more powerful unconscious magicians, we may turn without realizing it to an even more skillful form of hiding: we coordinate our reality, so that we keep getting interrupted.  We all coordinate our own reality all the time without realizing it. We are always creating a reality that is a reflection of our internal beliefs, and other people and events are rearranged in ways that are also in perfect coordination with their beliefs.  If we truly want to hide from a particular task, we will unconsciously use magic to effectuate that desire.  Every time we ostensibly sit down to do the work, we are actually telling ourselves that we wish we didn’t have to do this now.  We have an attachment to not doing the work (an aversion).  Those beliefs then become manifest.  Children pop into the room without warning; friends or relatives decide to call out of the blue; a sudden legitimately urgent new assignment arises that clearly takes priority; we have a fight with a loved one, leaving us focused on the resolution of an entirely different problem.   Each of these is a means by which we are coordinating our reality to help ourselves hide, while giving ourselves an ostensibly rational justification for why we can’t turn to the work.  It becomes plausible deniability as an art form.  At any level, hiding is about lying to ourselves.

So how do we turn away from all of these habits of hiding? The first step is recognizing when we are hiding, by cultivating mindfulness in the moment. We notice the moments when we are feeling tense in our bodies, and we notice how we unconsciously respond to those feelings. Once we recognize that we are hiding, we move with an attitude of inquiry, asking ourselves what it is that we are avoiding and why. What are the fears or beliefs driving this avoidance? At the heart of hiding lies fear – fear of discomfort, fear of the unknown, fear of facing our true selves, and fear of change. These fears often stem from our past experiences, insecurities, or deep-seated beliefs. Recognizing and acknowledging these fears is very important to avoid being drawn back into unconscious hiding whenever overwhelmed. Facing your discomfort and fears requires courage, knowing that growth often lies on the other side of fear. Finally, show compassion to yourself during this process. Understand that hiding is a natural response to fear, but it doesn’t have to dictate your actions, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. What matters is how you are trying to move now, not what you have done in the past.

Practice small acts of courage by facing things you usually avoid. Notice the ways in which you are distracting yourself, and be with the emotions prompting that movement. Perceive the ways in which you are blaming others, rather than acknowledging the role your own thoughts and actions had in creating any negative experience. Remember, the transition doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual process of unfolding and learning to trust yourself and the journey of growth.

To assist you in recognizing and understanding hiding in your life, I will now transmit an energy that will help to illuminate moments of hiding in your daily experience. This transmission will provide clarity and support you in moving towards a more open and seeking-oriented mindset.

{Perceive Hiding as Hiding}

Reflect on this lesson and the transmission in the coming days. Observe how often you find yourself hiding and gently guide yourself towards more open, seeking movements. In our next lesson, we’ll explore the movement of clinging and its impact on our spiritual journey.

Until then and always, may you find courage and compassion in your journey of self-discovery. Be well.