Interlude I, Lesson 3: Words Matter: Desire, Wish, Want, Need, Require, and the Nature of Scarcity

Welcome to Interlude I, Lesson 3 of Finding Your Way. In this lesson, we will discuss the meanings of a few different words: desire, wish, want, need, and require. All of these words relate to manifestation - things we wish to bring into our experience. However, they all mean different things, and only some of the words are wholesome.

Let’s start with desire. Desire is a relatively neutral term, signaling an orientation in the broad field of intent. When we desire something without attachment, we orient our intention towards the object of desire, putting ourselves onto a path of obtaining it.

When you become sufficiently sensitive to the energies contained in words, you begin to notice that even desire has a certain stridency to it — a strange sense of anger and entitlement, and a subtle clinging: we tend to be pulled towards the objects of our desire. The term I prefer when discussing unattached manifestation is wish, as it carries none of that stridency or clinging, and has a lighter, more playful feel.

When we add attachment to our desire, we get want. Wants are a type of craving in which we are mentally saying “I don't have this. It is separate from me; and I want to possess this thing or experience that I do not have.” It creates an inherent suffering through separation. With want, there is suffering until the want is satisfied, then there is relief. It is not ideal, since it generates unnecessary suffering; however, it is not truly pernicious, unless the want is held onto even when the object becomes unattainable. Then you have permanent suffering from a want.

An example of wants vs desires is if I were taking a trip to a vacation spot. If I want to be at the destination, it is a place I am not yet at — something I do not yet have. The vacation spot is now a source of suffering, because I want to be there. Even if I manage this by saying I want to be there at a certain then, I am still removing it from my experience in the now, and psychologically putting myself into the future, rather than the now. On the other hand, if I wish for it, I am already seeing it as happening now, as part of a process that is unfolding to result in my presence in that location. Even if I haven't left my house yet, it is already happening. I am already moving towards the destination, even if I am not yet changing my location. The flow of my life is now reoriented towards the destination so it will be part of what I do as I move in life. It is as though I am a sailboat floating on the ocean, choosing a particular horizon to head towards, rejecting nothing and perceiving everything I wish for as in the process of unfolding and already part of my experience. It is a subtle but very important distinction.

Further along the spectrum of attachment is need. When we need something, we are taking a want and identifying with it — putting a part of ourselves in it — so that it becomes a part of us. If it is threatened, we feel threatened. If we can't obtain it, we feel like we are dying. Want is problematic. Need is dangerous. With want, there is suffering until the object is obtained. With need, there is suffering until the object is obtained, and then there is suffering after it is obtained. With need, one places their salvation within the object, and since nothing outside of ourselves can provide salvation, obtaining the needed object never satisfies for more than a moment. Quickly, we realize that we have not been saved, that we are not "cured" and that we are quickly becoming less happy once again. This kicks off a cycle of needing that never ends, with us endlessly needing something new, something more than we have now, in order to be happy. And it is never enough.

The entire mental conception of scarcity arises from the conflation between need and require. Whereas a need is something that we crave and identify with, a requirement is something that has to happen in order for us to achieve our goals. If we wish to do a particular thing, there are generally certain steps that are required in our experience in order for that thing to be achieved. As we will discuss further in Chapter 7, when we manifest without attachment, we always attain our wish, and we always have the resources we require. When we manifest with attachment, we will either not attain the thing we are manifesting, or we will manifest a distorted version that twists our desire into a darker path that will teach us new lessons about our attachments. Therefore, scarcity can be seen as a tendency to manifest needs, rather than requirements. An example of this is time scarcity. We always have as much time as we require, and never as much as we need. My days are incredibly full, with activities throughout. Yet I rarely feel busy or weary. Busyness arises from need, and weariness arises from effort and force, which are movements that are often thought to be needed, and are rarely required.

You can take this understanding to manifest prosperity in your life. Until I internalized the manifestation fully and began Hyper Encabulating (there’s a description of the Hyper Encabulator on the FableTech Fabricators page), I performed a set of daily manifestations for my spiritual hygiene. One of them was a prosperity spell. Here is the spell:

{I have the resources I require to achieve the optimal fulfillment of my goals.}

I know that in every moment, I have the resources I require, whether those resources involve people, money, knowledge, or any other source of support, understanding, or raw material. As a result of that deep knowing, I always do have the resources I require.

These first two Words Matter lessons are foundational in avoiding many of the traps that plague seekers on the path. Recognizing silliness early on allows us to heal an entire swathe of silly behaviors that do not contribute to our wellbeing and result in harm to our relationships. And recognizing the differences between desire, wish, want, need, and require will lead to much more effective manifestation, and therefore a life in which the wishes of our heart become realized.

In the next lesson, we will discuss the differences between the words nice and kind, and explore the concept of unconditional kindness, which is poorly understood and is absolutely essential for ultimately healing your deepest karmas and constructing a truly wholesome existence. Until then and always, be well.